Taking a year off work and traveling the world was not my dream, not to say that the thought wasn’t exciting. It just wasn’t something that I felt was attainable until after I finished working and was retired.  But that all started to change about two years ago. It has now become a dream that I share with Shannon and am anxious to stop the dreaming and start the experience of living it.  

So what exactly brought me to this place, what changed so much that I realized this was something I needed to do at this point of my life vs 20 years into the future?  For that you need to know where I was-

I have been an individual that lives on organization, route and planning. My laundry, my meals, my budget, my career, my whole life.  The goals sometimes change, but the planning to attain them remains the same.  This has allowed me some level of comfort. I always have clean clothes, never have an empty fridge, and always have the credit needed to obtain some of life’s larger purchases.  For all the comforts I have found I have also realized that my periods of largest growth were those following the most uncertainty.  The uncertainty however, always was the result of life’s natural progression and not due to self realized risk taking. There are a certain level of things that you can plan for but despite your best efforts the final decision is not always yours to make or at least not yours alone.   

After finishing college I knew that I wanted a career in law enforcement where I would be able to utilize my education to assist the community.  I was in a position where I wasn’t locked into a specific location. There were a wide variety of entry level positions I could pursue.  I ended up taking a job 1,000 miles from where I had been calling “home.”  I was going to be a Washington State Game Warden. 

I didn’t know anyone and would have to start building a new life.  This was in the days before Facebook, FaceTime, Instagram, and even MySpace was just coming on the scene so making a big move was an even larger transition.  It was harder to maintain close relationship over a long distance (although not impossible).  Making this move allowed me to grow as a person as well as in my career.  I initially envisioned that this was my forever career. I would be able to work my way up the hypothetical “ladder” and avoid any future uncertainty. No sending out applications, participating in panel interviews, and receiving any potential rejection notices. No waiting until you find the right position that fits you and you fit it. I was there. 

I had the career and I was now able to move on to the next step of finding a partner.  (As I am writing this I realize it sounds a bit sterile and scripted, but that is how things proceeded and not exactly the order I intended them to happen.) As relationships developed and grew and eventually ran their course I realized that with each relationship I was able to learn something about myself and about what I needed in a partner.  Over time I found someone that I was ready to enter into the social contract known as marriage. (Maybe this isn’t a surprise, but it wasn’t Shannon- yet! It actually almost led to someone else before this as well but that’s a story for another day.)  Now that I was married and had a family (my partner had two children from a previous marriage) I was able to enjoy this new lifestyle and work towards retirement, which meant more focus on my career.

Obviously, well not obvious to me at the time, this focus on my career over my family allowed one to suffer and probably was one of the issues that led to the eventual end of that relationship.  It’s ending is what led me to begin to evaluate how I was living my life and if I was getting what I needed from work.  I realized  I needed additional opportunities that would allow for greater growth.  It took about two years because of the background investigation process but I eventually accepted a position with the Federal Government (a not so special, special agent).  It provided me some exciting new opportunities. I was not just able to grow professionally but it also inspire some personal growth. I again was adjusting what balance was in my life.

As I started down this new path I had to live in several locations on a non-permanent basis for extended periods of time.  One of these locations happened to be just outside of Baltimore, where I didn’t just cross paths with, but fully collided with Shannon.  Luckily, it wasn’t an actual physical collision. Something definitely happened between us in a short period of time that allowed us to grow our relationship, despite the fact that we were 100’s to 1000’s of miles apart for most of that time.  That’s not to say that I knew where this relationship was going that whole period or that we haven’t had to weather some extremely tumultuous points.  During this period of time is where I first learned of Shannon’s dream trip. I was also forced to learn that not everything comes easy, things doesn’t come without risk, and that you might have to make difficult decisions to continue moving forward. 

I initially thought that I would be able to grow our new relationship and build my new career and obtain that balance I had been seeking.  Even though Shannon and my new position happened to be in different states I thought that with enough time I would be able to work this issue out. Most of you probably already know that it wasn’t quite that easy.  I had a decision to make, one that shouldn’t have been as hard as it was in retrospect.  But for me it brought two competing forces to a head- work and life outside of work. I sought every solution to the difficult situation possible.  This included seeking a potential transfer, a hardship transfer, and even seeking the assistance of the local Congress-Woman.  With all of those options coming up unsuccessful my final option was to end my employment with the Government, focus on my relationship, and work on finding a new position.

That decision, the decision to quit my job, not just my job but my career, to pursue this relationship, wasn’t made without a healthy dose of fear and uncertainty. Even when knowing the right decision it can be hard to make.  I didn’t just realize that I had to find balance but realized that I would have to work to obtain that balance. It wouldn’t come without risk, or periods of indecision but that the long term payoffs would be beyond scale.  Through this struggle I also realized that taking the risk of a period of extended travel would likely be just as rewarding.  

I was lucky because my planning for the future was able to afford us the opportunity to begin pursuing this dream.  My early planning for retirement and having a pension (albeit just a partial one), would provide some financial security and help with the break in employment.  The future looking, planning driven portion of me will always be there- I still find myself looking to work out various aspects of the trip and post-trip life, but I’m also making room for the personal growth that will happen while away.  And knowing that the more I grow personally that the more I will be able to offer professionally helps to keep the uncertainty manageable.

Although I have fully embraced the dream of the trip, it’s not “Shannon’s trip” that I see in our future, but “Our Trip”.  That’s not to say that it’s fully within my comfort zone, because it’s not. I do know that risk and its benefits is worth being uncomfortable.  Real growth can only happen after periods of discomfort. And discomfort can be fun! Although our visions and interests are not 100% aligned nothing has been more enjoyable than discussing various portions of our anticipated travel.